50 shades of huh?
Many of my girlfriends (hell, and friend boys) are over the moon about the upcoming film adaptation of the book "50 Shades of Grey". If you've been under a rock; this series of 3 books by E L James is about Christian Grey, a young entrepreneur and Anastasia Steele, a college student. These books came out a few years ago and it seemed that EVERYONE was reading them. Women, men, old, young, gay, straight..... the world was in "lust" with the two fictional characters.
I remember the first time someone asked me if I read the books. I didn't really know what the subject matter was, but when I found out, I emphatically said "NO". Many of my friends were taken aback at how vehement I was about NOT reading these books. You see, I love romance novels. The smuttier the better. I love fiction, and hot steamy scenes and happily ever afters, So, it might stand to reason that I would love to read the 50 Shades books. Nope.
I was married for a very tumultuous 13 years. I married young, and my ex husband was younger. The first 4 years of our marriage we actually only spent 6 months together, as he was in the military. Then I got pregnant with our first child, and our relationship drastically changed. He wasn't the center of the universe anymore after our daughter was born, and I didn't know that he was so needy that he would turn to other women to fulfill that sense of purpose. He had his first affair when our daughter was about a year and a half old. I know so many people that say, "If he cheated, I'd leave in a heartbeat". That's easier said than done. I found out about the affair and cried, raged, and bargained. He seemed contrite and told me that "I needed to make him love me again". At the time, I didn't realize how wrong he was. We decided to work on our marriage and he came to me with what he thought we were missing.
Home came the book "Screw the roses, give me the thorns". A book about BDSM. I was shocked, but intrigued. How had I not known he was interested in that?? He also introduced me to BDSM chat rooms on ICQ (remember ICQ??; dang that was a long time ago).
I read the book, explored the lifestyle, and came to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me. First of all, this predilection of his came out of an extramarital affair that he'd had with some college student. I could never participate in that sort of relationship having had it been tainted in that way. Second of all, there was so much use of the term Master and Slave. Being a Black woman, and knowing all of the things that my ancestors fought for, everything in me rebelled at the terms. I know it's not the same, but the connotation and the way it made me feel, that visceral reaction was the same. I felt ashamed, oppressed and angry.
Ultimately, our marriage ended and the woman he left me for was a willing partner in this lifestyle. She allowed herself to be "collared", she has a binding contract as a submissive, and she has absolutely no say so whether my ex husband brings other women into their home. My children have seen her punished for not cooking the right dinner. Seen her have to stand in the corner. Seen her sit at his feet and call him "Sir".
I have absolutely no problem with adults that have healthy BDSM relationships. If you want to paint yourself blue and hang from the ceiling fan in the comfort of your own home, go for it. But when your relationship is out there with children in the home and it makes them and their friends uncomfortable; that's a problem. When a young boy that lives in the home sees his mother subjected to that sort of treatment; then thinks it's acceptable to turn around and abuse the only other female in the house younger than he is; it's a problem.
So, no. I won't be reading 50 Shades of Grey. I won't judge you if you do, but I am just fine missing out on Christian and Anastasia's trilogy of submission and domination. I'll stay with my sexy paranormal books by authors like Caris Roane, Gena Showalter, Kresley Cole and JR Ward, and I'll be very content.
I remember the first time someone asked me if I read the books. I didn't really know what the subject matter was, but when I found out, I emphatically said "NO". Many of my friends were taken aback at how vehement I was about NOT reading these books. You see, I love romance novels. The smuttier the better. I love fiction, and hot steamy scenes and happily ever afters, So, it might stand to reason that I would love to read the 50 Shades books. Nope.
I was married for a very tumultuous 13 years. I married young, and my ex husband was younger. The first 4 years of our marriage we actually only spent 6 months together, as he was in the military. Then I got pregnant with our first child, and our relationship drastically changed. He wasn't the center of the universe anymore after our daughter was born, and I didn't know that he was so needy that he would turn to other women to fulfill that sense of purpose. He had his first affair when our daughter was about a year and a half old. I know so many people that say, "If he cheated, I'd leave in a heartbeat". That's easier said than done. I found out about the affair and cried, raged, and bargained. He seemed contrite and told me that "I needed to make him love me again". At the time, I didn't realize how wrong he was. We decided to work on our marriage and he came to me with what he thought we were missing.
I read the book, explored the lifestyle, and came to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me. First of all, this predilection of his came out of an extramarital affair that he'd had with some college student. I could never participate in that sort of relationship having had it been tainted in that way. Second of all, there was so much use of the term Master and Slave. Being a Black woman, and knowing all of the things that my ancestors fought for, everything in me rebelled at the terms. I know it's not the same, but the connotation and the way it made me feel, that visceral reaction was the same. I felt ashamed, oppressed and angry.
Ultimately, our marriage ended and the woman he left me for was a willing partner in this lifestyle. She allowed herself to be "collared", she has a binding contract as a submissive, and she has absolutely no say so whether my ex husband brings other women into their home. My children have seen her punished for not cooking the right dinner. Seen her have to stand in the corner. Seen her sit at his feet and call him "Sir".
I have absolutely no problem with adults that have healthy BDSM relationships. If you want to paint yourself blue and hang from the ceiling fan in the comfort of your own home, go for it. But when your relationship is out there with children in the home and it makes them and their friends uncomfortable; that's a problem. When a young boy that lives in the home sees his mother subjected to that sort of treatment; then thinks it's acceptable to turn around and abuse the only other female in the house younger than he is; it's a problem.
So, no. I won't be reading 50 Shades of Grey. I won't judge you if you do, but I am just fine missing out on Christian and Anastasia's trilogy of submission and domination. I'll stay with my sexy paranormal books by authors like Caris Roane, Gena Showalter, Kresley Cole and JR Ward, and I'll be very content.
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