The twelve days of Christmas, single mom style.
Now, some single mom's are lucky. Kind of like the mom in The Parent Trap. Most of us, however, are not nearly so blessed. So here is an ode to all of the single mom's out there with exes you want to drop in a volcano.
On the first day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the second day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 2 bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the third day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 3 stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the fourth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 4 missed Skype calls, 3 stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the fifth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, five unpaid bills! !! 4 missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the sixth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 6 modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the seventh day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the eight day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the ninth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the tenth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, ten trashy girlfriends, nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the eleventh day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 11 forgotten visits, ten trashy girlfriends, nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the twelfth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, twelve broken promises, eleven forgotten visits, ten trashy girlfriends, nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!!!!!!!!!
(Wine sometimes brings out my finest work.)
On the first day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the second day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 2 bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the third day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 3 stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the fourth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 4 missed Skype calls, 3 stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the fifth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, five unpaid bills! !! 4 missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the sixth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 6 modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry.
On the seventh day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the eight day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the ninth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the tenth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, ten trashy girlfriends, nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the eleventh day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, 11 forgotten visits, ten trashy girlfriends, nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!
On the twelfth day of Christmas the Douchebag gave to me, twelve broken promises, eleven forgotten visits, ten trashy girlfriends, nine stupid court hours, eight empty threats, seven excuses, six modified orders, five unpaid bills! Four missed Skype calls, three stomach bugs, two bounced support checks and a big bag of dirty laundry!!!!!!!!!
(Wine sometimes brings out my finest work.)
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