The end result is worth the struggle, or how it feels to be on the verge of an empty nest.

 In 2006, my ex husband sent me an email saying, "I want a divorce. You need to find a job". Needless to say it shattered my world. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years and had no idea this was coming. He found someone else, someone that he would eventually go on to marry, but at the time I was left with a kindergartner and a third grader, no college degree, no work experience for the past 5 years, and a looming deadline of figuring out what I had to do to survive.  

However, the one thing I always had was a village. I watched and cared for other people's children, and their families, helped out in church, volunteered, was a team parent... all of those people helped me find my feet again. One of my best friends in the world helped me get a job, other friends helped us move when I found a little townhouse to buy despite making $11 an hour, helped feed us, and helped support us. I could not have done any of this without them. 

We STRUGGLED. And when I say struggled? I mean struggled. The first week in our new home we didn't have beds or a refrigerator. My kids were on the Angel tree. We did food pantries. They were on Medicaid even though I had a full time job, a part time job, and did house cleaning and babysitting whenever I could. I pulled weeds to afford to send my daughter on her 8th grade Washington DC Trip. I worked almost every single Sunday for over 5 years in row. But I never missed a softball or tee ball game. A soccer game. A dance performance. A Girl Scout ceremony. A Robotics competition. 

My children's relationship with their father fractured and then disintgrated. He chose his other family over them and it was so evident in everything he did. He stopped interacting with my daughter when she was 14. He never acknowledged her 16th birthday. Her high school graduation. Her acceptance into a prestigious college. Her 21st birthday. Her college graduation with honors from Elon University, and being the first in our family to have a college degree.  The last time their father saw them in person was in June of 2018, where he showed up to my son's graduation and then left after taking a single picture in the Bojangles Coliseum Parking lot. He missed the amazing internship and scholarship my daughter was awarded to study in Europe for a semester. He missed every single one of the Black Excellence awards that she was honored with. He has missed every single milestone in her life for the past 12 years. He missed her health problems and being diagnosed with precancerous cells in her stomach that forced her to have extensive surgery that has a 6% mortality rate within the first 5 years. He missed the fact that she is now a litigation paralegal and was honored with a Pro Bono award for a project she collaborated on. 

He missed every single Robotics competition that my son had, despite working in the IT industry himself. He missed the coding award he won. He missed the apprenticeship graduation and the fact that my son was the youngest Software Engineer that his company ever hired. He missed his MS diagnosis and now, he's missed the fact that my son has bought his first home at the age of 22.  But that's ok. They have not only survived, they have THRIVED. They have relied on each other in the darkest times of their lives and also the brightest. Their bond is unbreakable and I am so thankful that they have each other. 

COVID hit us hard, just like so many others. With my son being immunocompromised it was terrifying every day. He was stuck working from home in a 10x10 bedroom beginning March 7, 2020. His mental health declined so after my daughter moved out, I hired someone to knock down the wall between his room and her old room, to give him some space. We moved an elliptical in there (Jesus H. Christ I'll never move anything like that EVER AGAIN), and a weight bench. That gave him a little breathing room which was great, but he always told me from the day he started working that he wanted to buy a home instead of renting. 4 years of robotics and an apprenticeship they set him up with got him to this point. He will tell everyone that without the guidance of his mentors and FIRST, he wouldn't be where he is today. 

He saved up and even though the housing market is crap, he was able to get a mortgage all on his own and is closing on his first home. He said "Mama, I love you so much. Without you believing in me and helping me, I wouldn't be where I am and I would never be able to do this without you." 

It's going to be very bittersweet when he gets that key and becomes a homeowner. He's never slept in a house alone by himself so of course Mama will stay there for a few nights "just to get him settled in". He'll be close to family and friends. He has a flock of mama birds that will probably swing by to make sure he's fed.  And his sister, who is also his best friend, will be there with him every step of the way.  I know he won't be far away and that this is the natural progression of children, and that I should be proud that both of mine are at a point in their lives that they are happy and successful. I'm going to miss hearing him come downstairs seeing what I cooked. Miss the fact that he says "I love you mama", every night before he goes to bed and every time he leaves the house. Miss hearing him on Discord with his friends and having them tell me hello via his headset. But I am looking forward to moving the "office" out of the dining room and into an actual room! And having a guest bedroom instead of an air mattress. And moving to this next phase of my life. 

Both of my children have soared far beyond anything I could have ever imagined for them. I knew they were going to make their marks on the world, but I can honestly say that I am one of the proudest parents ever.  When both of my kids graduated high school, I got them my favorite children's book and wrote them a message inside. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.