An open letter......this has been a long time coming
Dear X,
This letter has been a long time coming. It really has. I remember when we met, when I was a young and naive girl of 20 still living at home, and you were 18. It was infatuation at first sight, then it quickly turned to love. I'll never forget the first time you said those three little words. I know I was too young to understand that what we had wasn't based on what "forever" should be, but you can't argue that when you're young. I should have had my first inkling that something was wrong when another girl came to my job the week after we were married, and showed me a poem...it was the exact same poem that you'd written for me. But, I was young. And I was in love. Thank you for making me believe that through the first four years of our marriage, through all of the separations courtesy of the US Military, that you thought that we were going to grow old together. Thank you for making the day I told you that I was pregnant with our daughter one of the happiest days of my life. Thank you for being such a kind and attentive husband, that you wouldn't even let me drive while I was pregnant; because you thought I might get into an accident and hurt the baby. Thank you for changing your duty station so that I didn't have to have my first child in Cuba, or Iceland....I got to have her after 22 hours of labor followed by a cesearan section; at home with my parents. Thank you for moving us cross country and making me feel like less of a person because I became a stay at home mother. Thank you for not supporting me when I had reconstuctive surgery; and letting me find out two weeks before Christmas that you'd been having an affair with a college student. I should have left then; but I still, even then, loved you. I should have known that going from being the center of my universe to being pushed aside by a baby girl with big brown eyes wouldn't make you feel secure. Thank you for looking for love everywhere else, instead of at home. Thank you for finding the internet, and staying online for hours and hours at a time; surfing chat rooms, messaging women, giving them your phone numbers...all because I thought there was something wrong with me. Thank you for telling me, when I told you I was pregnant with our son, "Is that supposed to make me happy?" Another thing I'll never forget. Thank you for being so self sufficient that the day I came home after another cesearan, I had to cook dinner because you were incapable of providing for yourself and a three year old girl. Thank you for making me think that moving to a new place would let us start over; and that the phone calls, and the women would stop. But it didn't did it. Instead, it just got easier and easier for you to satisfy the unquenchable need that you had; something that I could never do. Thank you for having women call me at my house to tell me things that you'd told them. Thank you for introducing my son to your mistress and her child at Chuck E. Cheese. Thank you for inviting her to my home, where she was so cordial and friendly...all the while knowing that she was sleeping with you and I had no idea. Thank you for cutting off the relationship with her and then forcing her to seek revenge on you; by sending me pictures of you with her when you were supposed to be out of town on business..but yet you were 10 miles away. Having her send me your text and instant messages to each other; that she clearly kept because she was in love with you. Thank you for grinding my self esteem into the dust; making me think that I would never be anyone that someone could love. Thank you for finding the perfect woman for you, and six weeks after your children met her, moving in with her and her children. Thank you for causing my children to sleep with me for the first year we lived in our new home, because they were so emotionally damaged over the massive changes in their life; that they needed that security. Thank you for missing the parent teacher conferences; the school performances; for forgetting to be home when they got there. Thank you for giving them so much security that they never knew week to week what house they were sleeping at. Thank you for leaving me to hold the bag on everything; becuase clearly that was my job. Thank you for showing your children that material things are more important than important events in their lives; like 600.00 field trips that your daughter had to do fund raisers and get anonymous donations for; because you couldn't be bothered to help pay for. Thank you for having your son question why you couldn't afford a 15.00 PE uniform, but you could afford to buy a 4,000 dollar television.
But most of all thank you for allowing the people that hurt your children back into their lives without giving them any warning. Thank you for proving to them that your new family is worth more than your old one. Thank you for showing them that when the chips are down, they know that they can count on people that are family not by blood, but by love, more than you. Thank you for going for weeks at a time with no communication; and being "Disneyland Dad" when you have the time. Making things so fun and amazing, that they forget all of the hurts because they want so badly to have a relationship with you. Thank you for leaving me to pick up the pieces when you don't call...day after day....and I have to be the one to try to explain that you love them, but you're just busy. Thank you for being who I thought was my best friend in the world....and instead being the one who can hurt me the most. Thank you for breaking my children's hearts...over and over again....but knowing that they'll never not love you...because you're their father.
This letter has been a long time coming. It really has. I remember when we met, when I was a young and naive girl of 20 still living at home, and you were 18. It was infatuation at first sight, then it quickly turned to love. I'll never forget the first time you said those three little words. I know I was too young to understand that what we had wasn't based on what "forever" should be, but you can't argue that when you're young. I should have had my first inkling that something was wrong when another girl came to my job the week after we were married, and showed me a poem...it was the exact same poem that you'd written for me. But, I was young. And I was in love. Thank you for making me believe that through the first four years of our marriage, through all of the separations courtesy of the US Military, that you thought that we were going to grow old together. Thank you for making the day I told you that I was pregnant with our daughter one of the happiest days of my life. Thank you for being such a kind and attentive husband, that you wouldn't even let me drive while I was pregnant; because you thought I might get into an accident and hurt the baby. Thank you for changing your duty station so that I didn't have to have my first child in Cuba, or Iceland....I got to have her after 22 hours of labor followed by a cesearan section; at home with my parents. Thank you for moving us cross country and making me feel like less of a person because I became a stay at home mother. Thank you for not supporting me when I had reconstuctive surgery; and letting me find out two weeks before Christmas that you'd been having an affair with a college student. I should have left then; but I still, even then, loved you. I should have known that going from being the center of my universe to being pushed aside by a baby girl with big brown eyes wouldn't make you feel secure. Thank you for looking for love everywhere else, instead of at home. Thank you for finding the internet, and staying online for hours and hours at a time; surfing chat rooms, messaging women, giving them your phone numbers...all because I thought there was something wrong with me. Thank you for telling me, when I told you I was pregnant with our son, "Is that supposed to make me happy?" Another thing I'll never forget. Thank you for being so self sufficient that the day I came home after another cesearan, I had to cook dinner because you were incapable of providing for yourself and a three year old girl. Thank you for making me think that moving to a new place would let us start over; and that the phone calls, and the women would stop. But it didn't did it. Instead, it just got easier and easier for you to satisfy the unquenchable need that you had; something that I could never do. Thank you for having women call me at my house to tell me things that you'd told them. Thank you for introducing my son to your mistress and her child at Chuck E. Cheese. Thank you for inviting her to my home, where she was so cordial and friendly...all the while knowing that she was sleeping with you and I had no idea. Thank you for cutting off the relationship with her and then forcing her to seek revenge on you; by sending me pictures of you with her when you were supposed to be out of town on business..but yet you were 10 miles away. Having her send me your text and instant messages to each other; that she clearly kept because she was in love with you. Thank you for grinding my self esteem into the dust; making me think that I would never be anyone that someone could love. Thank you for finding the perfect woman for you, and six weeks after your children met her, moving in with her and her children. Thank you for causing my children to sleep with me for the first year we lived in our new home, because they were so emotionally damaged over the massive changes in their life; that they needed that security. Thank you for missing the parent teacher conferences; the school performances; for forgetting to be home when they got there. Thank you for giving them so much security that they never knew week to week what house they were sleeping at. Thank you for leaving me to hold the bag on everything; becuase clearly that was my job. Thank you for showing your children that material things are more important than important events in their lives; like 600.00 field trips that your daughter had to do fund raisers and get anonymous donations for; because you couldn't be bothered to help pay for. Thank you for having your son question why you couldn't afford a 15.00 PE uniform, but you could afford to buy a 4,000 dollar television.
But most of all thank you for allowing the people that hurt your children back into their lives without giving them any warning. Thank you for proving to them that your new family is worth more than your old one. Thank you for showing them that when the chips are down, they know that they can count on people that are family not by blood, but by love, more than you. Thank you for going for weeks at a time with no communication; and being "Disneyland Dad" when you have the time. Making things so fun and amazing, that they forget all of the hurts because they want so badly to have a relationship with you. Thank you for leaving me to pick up the pieces when you don't call...day after day....and I have to be the one to try to explain that you love them, but you're just busy. Thank you for being who I thought was my best friend in the world....and instead being the one who can hurt me the most. Thank you for breaking my children's hearts...over and over again....but knowing that they'll never not love you...because you're their father.
damn mama melissa u have me over here bawling. you're the strongest, bravest, bestest mother in the world. believe me one day God will exact revenge for u and He will continue to give u the strength to carry the weight of the world on shoulders like atlas. no ruches in the world will be able to give back the great sacrifices that you've given but at the end of the day your children will be better adults for it even though it may not seem like that sometimes.i admire u more than u can understand, as a single mom who survived an abusive relationship it shows me that i'm not alone in struggling to be the best i can be for nobody other than my child.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being exactly who you are because your actions have molded people that are stronger than you could ever imagine. Forged by the fire, time and again so they can stand now that you are needed most but yet you chose the new family over flesh and blood. Thank you for being a pig headed man whose disgusting view on women that is wrong and is crystal clear to your children. Thank you for making my friend one of the strongest, most sincere, loving and grounded woman I have the honor of knowing. ~ Randi
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this all too well : (
ReplyDelete