When I think of home...I think of a place...

I grew up in a very small town in the Midwest...the population wasn't even 100,000 people.  I was insulated from a lot of the things the "world" had...but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Coming back home is always a double edged sword for me.  My ex husband and I are from same town, so driving through it always brings back bittersweet memories.  Now that my children are older, I can show them some of these things without pain.  I still am very angry at my ex, and I have a lot of animosity toward him for the father that he isn't, because he had the potential to be so much more; but I won't let that part of who he is now, taint the good memories that we had together.  I took my kids to see the 100 year old house I grew up in; and now the porch is different and painted a cheerful green, and it looks so much smaller than I remembered.  I remember swinging on the porch swing, looking for change for the ice cream man, and catching fireflies in the back yard.  I took them to see the middle school I went to; which is over 100 years old and still standing.  It's not a middle school anymore though.  I told them about having to take swimming for PE class at the indoor pool in the basement, about the time we got locked in one of the old classrooms and I had to crawl out the window to open the door from the outside, and the time I did so well at kickball in gym class that a boy beat me up.  I took them to my high school..which isn't a high school any more either.  I showed them the part of the building that was torn down that used to house the chorus classrooms, where I found my voice.  The part of the school that my favorite teachers, Mr. Walk and Ms. Persinger taught.  The classroom where I was when the Space Shuttle exploded.   I showed them the place where a boy shot another boy over a girl, and at that time, nothing that had ever happened in our small town.  I showed them the "murder house", and told them the infamous story of the man who allegedly killed his wife and 3 kids while they slept...something that before or since has never happened in our small piece of America.  I showed them where I went to college, in the Town of Normal, and pointed out the landmarks that are in a new Mitsubishi commercial.  My dorm isn't there anymore either; it's made way for a student athletic center.  The dorms that my parents lived in are still there however, and I told them the story of how their grandparents met at the place I went to college at.  We went to my favorite hometown restaurants, and some of them were as good as I remembered...and others were better.  We ordered Chinese food from a place that's been around for 90 years, that, to me, has the best egg rolls in the world.  I drove by and pointed out the house that their father and I first met at, and told them the story of how he stalked me at the mall until I agreed to go out with him.  We had a mini family reunion with my ex in-laws; sister, niece, uncles, aunts....and even though my marriage to their brother/nephew/cousin is over; they'll always be a part of my life through my children.  It was lovely to see them, spend time with them, and know that my children and I will always have part of their love.

My parents are retiring next year, and moving soon after to be closer to the grand-kids.  This small town will always be "home", but it won't be the same.  No more sending the kids there for the summer, no more trips back to see the snow....we can always return here but it will never again be for the same reasons.  So this trip home has been wonderful, amazing, relaxing, and a little sad all at the same time.  But, home is where the heart is, and my home will be with me wherever I may go.

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