Love the second time around....
Let's face it. Falling in love is a scary, fun, fascinating thing. It's absolutely terrifying when you do it later in life. You second guess everything, you don't want to make the same mistakes you did the first time, yet you still have hope that there is someone out there that's perfect for you. Here is my love story....
When I met my ex husband, I was 20 and he was 18. We were young, in "lust", and hormones pretty much ruled our world. I didn't know then that he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder; I was too busy working at the mall trying to be cute and go to college and have a social life. We literally got married for money(you get more pay in the military being married than being single!). After going to college for less than a semester, my ex felt that joining the military was the only way to go. So off he went to boot camp, and I stayed home. Absence indeed made the heart grow fonder, and the romanticism of letter writing and long distance love warped our perception of each other into something it shouldn't have been. He came home on leave for 5 days, we got married, he left 48 hours later, and I didn't see him for 7 months. I moved out to California once he got base housing; traveling across the country on an Amtrak train in a seat (no sleeper car); with nothing but an air mattress and 2 suitcases. I got there on Easter Sunday; no car; no job; and a house with no furniture; and he left on Monday to go to Kuwait. For the first 4 yeas of our marriage; we only saw each other for 6 months. So basically; one extended "honeymoon" caused, yet again, unrealistic expectations of what marriage should be.
By the time we were together in the same place for longer than 3 months at a time; we had a child and the "thrill was gone". I realized that I really didn't even know the person that I married. I was married to a grown up child. Someone who wanted to be the center of attention at all times. Someone who wanted to be on a pedestal. Someone who had a God complex and wanted to be needed and doted upon. We (okay, me), tried to salvage the marriage, had a second child, but soon fell into a pattern of apathy and mistrust. He started to have extramarital affairs; both virtual and in person. Lies, misdirection and emotional abuse followed. Day after day, year after year I went through the motions, biting my tongue and putting on the mask of the perfect wife and mother. Until I got an email that asked for a divorce. I was shocked; but somehow relieved. The subsequent years were filled with emotional breakdowns for me and my children, unimaginable situations for a child to be in, and finally, heartbreak for both my son and daughter when they finally realized that their father was incapable of truly loving anyone but himself.
When I met my fiancé, I really wasn't expecting anything long term. He was completely unlike anyone I'd dated before, and I didn't know how to take that. When I felt he was holding back too much, he told me to take things slow. He told me that he wanted "to treat me the way that I hoped someday a man would treat my daughter". I had been so accustomed to being treated as a second class citizen that I had forgotten what it was like to be treasured. He wooed me. He won my trust, and finally, he won my heart.
He wrote me poetry. Bought random things for me that were sentimental. Like a giant teddy bear to keep me company when he wasn't there. But more than that, he cared. He texted my daughter when her panic attacks were especially bad letting her know that he was there for her. He took my son random places just to hang out with him so that he had a guy to talk to. He was at every football game my son's first season; and his father wasn't at one. He was at my daughter's dance recital and picked her up from driver's ed; and helped her learn to get her permit; while her father was nowhere to be found.
He made sure that my family knew how much he loved me. When he was thinking about proposing; he was even going to fly to Chicago for the weekend if my parents hadn't come out to North Carolina for the holidays; just to ask for my hand in person.
He asked my mother for input on the ring; and my parents kept the secret for almost a month.
Our first date was at Basil, followed by video games at Dave and Busters. Our first Valentine's day was a recreation of our first date. And the proposal was at the site of that very first date as well. When he proposed he told me; "The first time we were here, I wanted to get to know you better. The second time we were here, I knew that I was in love with you. And now that we're here, I want to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me".
At 42 years old, I never thought I would be preparing to start my life over. I never had a wedding the first time. I never got the bridal showers, the planning, (the stress), or the feeling of being beautiful when you see yourself in the perfect wedding dress for the first time.
I never imagined that this 6'8 quirky single father who is studying to become a social worker would become as necessary to me as breathing, I never thought I would find someone who would love my children and protect them like they were his own. I also never imagined that I would find someone that made me believe that "happily ever after" wasn't just a line in a fairy tale.
When I met my ex husband, I was 20 and he was 18. We were young, in "lust", and hormones pretty much ruled our world. I didn't know then that he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder; I was too busy working at the mall trying to be cute and go to college and have a social life. We literally got married for money(you get more pay in the military being married than being single!). After going to college for less than a semester, my ex felt that joining the military was the only way to go. So off he went to boot camp, and I stayed home. Absence indeed made the heart grow fonder, and the romanticism of letter writing and long distance love warped our perception of each other into something it shouldn't have been. He came home on leave for 5 days, we got married, he left 48 hours later, and I didn't see him for 7 months. I moved out to California once he got base housing; traveling across the country on an Amtrak train in a seat (no sleeper car); with nothing but an air mattress and 2 suitcases. I got there on Easter Sunday; no car; no job; and a house with no furniture; and he left on Monday to go to Kuwait. For the first 4 yeas of our marriage; we only saw each other for 6 months. So basically; one extended "honeymoon" caused, yet again, unrealistic expectations of what marriage should be.
By the time we were together in the same place for longer than 3 months at a time; we had a child and the "thrill was gone". I realized that I really didn't even know the person that I married. I was married to a grown up child. Someone who wanted to be the center of attention at all times. Someone who wanted to be on a pedestal. Someone who had a God complex and wanted to be needed and doted upon. We (okay, me), tried to salvage the marriage, had a second child, but soon fell into a pattern of apathy and mistrust. He started to have extramarital affairs; both virtual and in person. Lies, misdirection and emotional abuse followed. Day after day, year after year I went through the motions, biting my tongue and putting on the mask of the perfect wife and mother. Until I got an email that asked for a divorce. I was shocked; but somehow relieved. The subsequent years were filled with emotional breakdowns for me and my children, unimaginable situations for a child to be in, and finally, heartbreak for both my son and daughter when they finally realized that their father was incapable of truly loving anyone but himself.
When I met my fiancé, I really wasn't expecting anything long term. He was completely unlike anyone I'd dated before, and I didn't know how to take that. When I felt he was holding back too much, he told me to take things slow. He told me that he wanted "to treat me the way that I hoped someday a man would treat my daughter". I had been so accustomed to being treated as a second class citizen that I had forgotten what it was like to be treasured. He wooed me. He won my trust, and finally, he won my heart.
He wrote me poetry. Bought random things for me that were sentimental. Like a giant teddy bear to keep me company when he wasn't there. But more than that, he cared. He texted my daughter when her panic attacks were especially bad letting her know that he was there for her. He took my son random places just to hang out with him so that he had a guy to talk to. He was at every football game my son's first season; and his father wasn't at one. He was at my daughter's dance recital and picked her up from driver's ed; and helped her learn to get her permit; while her father was nowhere to be found.
He made sure that my family knew how much he loved me. When he was thinking about proposing; he was even going to fly to Chicago for the weekend if my parents hadn't come out to North Carolina for the holidays; just to ask for my hand in person.
He asked my mother for input on the ring; and my parents kept the secret for almost a month.
Our first date was at Basil, followed by video games at Dave and Busters. Our first Valentine's day was a recreation of our first date. And the proposal was at the site of that very first date as well. When he proposed he told me; "The first time we were here, I wanted to get to know you better. The second time we were here, I knew that I was in love with you. And now that we're here, I want to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me".
At 42 years old, I never thought I would be preparing to start my life over. I never had a wedding the first time. I never got the bridal showers, the planning, (the stress), or the feeling of being beautiful when you see yourself in the perfect wedding dress for the first time.
I never imagined that this 6'8 quirky single father who is studying to become a social worker would become as necessary to me as breathing, I never thought I would find someone who would love my children and protect them like they were his own. I also never imagined that I would find someone that made me believe that "happily ever after" wasn't just a line in a fairy tale.
Beautiful story, just like you and your soul! I'm so happy for the both of you and wish only love, comfort, security, laughter, adventures, snuggles, romance, passion and memories to last a lifetime!! <3
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