It's time for the Butterfly to emerge courtesy of Emerging Hopes......


I have never ever been shy about my struggles with my weight.  In junior high, I was a women's size 14 and cannot ever remember being "small".  I was athletic, I played softball and ran track; but I was always "big".  I developed and blossomed very quickly and was always self conscious of my size.  I used humor and being very friendly to draw attention away from the way that I felt about myself.  I wasn't able to wear the cute clothes that my friends were, but I made my own style that I was comfortable with.

As I got older, the weight started to creep up, but not so quickly that I took a huge notice.  I knew that I was overweight, and things started to fit worse, so I moved up a size, then another, and then another. But I was eating the same amounts that I was before and still "felt" good.  I didn't have high blood pressure or diabetes.  I didn't have joint pain.  So I called myself "healthy" fat.

When my then husband walked out on me unexpectedly over 10 years ago, I had to go from being a stay at home mom to a working mom almost overnight.  I started working full time, and with that came the fatigue that such a huge lifestyle change caused.  I thought I was just tired.

My "ah-ha" moments came after I'd been working for a few months.  I went to an amusement park with my kids and couldn't fit on a ride.  That was the first time that had ever happened to me, and I was mortified.  I finally took off the blinders and saw how big I had become.  I went to my doctor to discuss the fatigue and also discovered that I had Obstructive Sleep Apnea.  At that point, I decided to have the surgery that changed my life.

It took a very long time for my eyes to actually see the results of my weight loss.  In my mind, I was still the fat girl.  Every time I looked in the mirror I saw my flaws instead of my successes.  The longer I kept the weight off, the worse I felt because a part of me still saw myself as a failure.  I went from a size 22/24 to a size 12, but didn't feel like I was complete.  I'd lost an incredible amount of weight but the excess skin that accompanied it was so disheartening.  I'd find pants that fit everywhere else but my belly.  I was ashamed to show my upper arms in public because they were so large.  I babysit quite a lot for kids, and they are BRUTALLY honest.  I cannot tell you how many times I've had a child ask me "Why are you so fat?" or "How did you get so fat?"  They don't do it to be mean spirited, but it's so hard to answer that question with a smile on my face.

When I heard of the Emerging Hopes Program I didn't allow myself to get too excited.  I'd already gone through 3 different plastic surgery consults with absolutely no hope of being able to afford the skin removal that I wanted.  I had even researched donating skin to burn victims but unfortunately that's not done.  I filled out the application for the program and didn't hold my breath!  After meeting with Dr. Hunstad and speaking to his amazing office staff, I was just honored that they had brought me in for an interview.  When I got the phone call that I had been selected, I was in the car with two of my closest friends; one of whom had actually written one of the letters of recommendation I needed for the application.  My heart skipped in my chest, and I started sobbing.  Alexis, the surgery scheduler, said that "Sometimes good things just happen to good people" and I finally believed that was true.  In one month, the chrysalis that I have been in for so long will start to open, and thanks to this amazing program I will actually feel like a butterfly.

Link to interview with Dr. Hunstad

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