Yes I'm a mom and Yes I can......

I was poking around Facebook the other day and came across a post from a friend.  Someone had written an article about "15 things moms should give up" or some drivel.  All about trends that moms hold on to and they should let go, ostensibly because they're moms.

Ok buddy.  Let's put the brakes on here for just ONE second.  First of all, you're a man.  Until you push something the size of a watermelon out of the head of your penis? You can sit down in the corner and shut up.  I myself had 2 close to nine pound babies cut out of my gut and then was stitched and stapled up like the Bride of Frankenstein.  Can you top that?  I didn't think so.


He bashes moms for jumping on the gluten free and paleo bandwagon.   OK, maybe gluten free and paleo might be overdone.  I get that.  But guess what.  Unless you have a gaggle of little ones that sit squalling and will only eat food in one color or take turns sticking stuff up their noses?  You don't get to judge what we feed our kids.  And being in the health care field, I have seen the age of puberty starting get lower and lower.  If a gluten free or paleo diet keeps a little girl from blossoming into a woman at age 8?  More power to you.

And apparently crop tops and low necklines are off limits for moms except Kim Kardashian.  Beyotch please.  Really?  Do I have to make you a LIST of hot moms?  Or any mom for that matter?  God forbid we offend your delicate sensibilities and have a nip slip or show a stretch mark.  That is a badge of HONOR brother.  It shows that we grew another human being inside our bodies.  It shows that we are capable of producing something that can not only feed our OWN child, but something that can feed many many more.  Did you know that during the slave crossings, nursing women were given the lion's share of food because as long as you nurse you will produce milk?  These women were responsible for feeding other men, women and children to keep them alive during the most horrifying thing that had ever happened to them.  Starvation and sickness was a threat and breast milk saves lives.  Period.

And damn, apparently I shouldn't have a Snapchat or an Instagram either.  Because why?  Because social media shouldn't be about me.... What. Ev. Er.  I have a daughter in college and a son in high school.  Social media has helped me connect with them in ways I never imagined, and helped us stay in touch when we are far apart.  My family and friends thoroughly enjoy the antics that we post, and the pictures are great for that great aunt that lives in Canada that only gets to see us every 10 years.  I will snap my ass off if I want to.  I snap my food, my dog, my manicure.  It allows people that know me, and people that don't, to have a glimpse inside my life.  It allows me to feel connected.  And I'm OK with that.

And don't even get me started on the mom "dress code".  Bodycon dresses and micro mini skirts.  So you're telling me that Tina Turner should cover up those gorgeous gams because "gasp" she's a GRANDMOTHER??? The horror!!  Be you.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  If you want to wear a bandage dress to preschool graduation? Go head girl.  If you want to wear a cute pencil skirt to Gymboree?  Fine with me.  I was told a few weeks ago that I was "vintage vagina" by high school boys.  I asked my son for clarification and he said "Mom, you are aging like wine and not milk".  This from a 16 year old!  I'll take it!

So for anyone who says that "because you're a mom" you shouldn't do X or Y, and ESPECIALLY if that sentiment is coming from someone who has never had leaky boobs, sneezed and peed on themselves, couldn't stand up straight after having another human being cut out of them and their uterus set on the table beside them, and so many other things that come along with being a mom..... You can bite me.

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