A love letter to those I leave behind....or what to do in the event of my death, and why you need to go to the damn doctor.
I know the title of this post is sad and shocking. And it is supposed to be. This week my world was rocked by the sudden death of a dear friend. He was 48 years old. A family man. A loving husband and father. And now he's gone. Died in his sleep on a business trip. How do you prepare for that? Emotionally? You can't. You can never prepare to send your spouse out the door and then they don't come home. But you can prepare for death.
Nobody wants to talk about death. It's the elephant in the room that no one wants to discuss. Nobody wants to think about not being here anymore. That's normal. But it's not ok. If you have children? You need a will. Period. If you and your spouse die your children become wards of the state until guardianship is awarded to someone. Temporary guardianship will be put into place until a judge awards final guardianship. Nobody wants to think about that. My mother was a certified financial planner and estate planner before she retired. (I will refer to her hereafter as O.G. Mama Mack) In her words "If you have children and you don't have a will? You're an idiot." Sit down with your spouse. Find that family member and have that conversation. It's uncomfortable as fuck. But do it. You don't want to go out to dinner with your husband and wife and never come home and then what the hell do your kids do?
Life insurance. Get it. I don't care. Period. I live paycheck to paycheck. I have a crap ton of debt from my divorce. An ex husband that doesn't pay his child support on time. Student loans I took out for my daughter. I get it. Money is tight. But if I can find a $300,000 term life policy for $25 a month? That is enough money to pay off my home and all my bills, leave enough for my kids to have a small nest egg and not be burdened with my debt. If you don't have an insurance agent, you can go online and find a website to get you quotes. O.G. Mama Mack says, also check with your credit union. Many credit unions have free insurance that will pay off any outstanding loans you have with them in the event of your death. Make sure you have enough insurance if you possibly can to make sure your loved ones aren't saddled with that financial responsibility. Things to consider: How much will it be to pay off your mortgage? How about credit cards? Student loans? Vehicle? Burial Expenses? Do you want to leave enough money after your liabilities are taken care of to provide for your children's education? What about a wedding? There are websites that you can use to calculate what you have and what you'll need. Many people only carry the life insurance that employers provide for free, which is 2 or 3 times annual salary. If you're making $50k a year, that's only $150k. That's not a lot of money once everything is paid off. Remember, that once the life insurance pays out? That's it. So you need a plan for what happens after that. And the guardians of minor children need clear guidelines if money left to them is to be used for specific things. Money changes people. I've seen it. People lose their damn minds when it comes to fighting over money and death. I myself don't want to have to come back from the great beyond to kick someone's ass for acting like a fool. Some states also have an insurance policy locator. O.G. Mama Mack said you can Google that and find out if someone has a life insurance policy that you may not know about. IF the unthinkable happens and your spouse dies and you don't know if they have a policy outside of their employer, that is a way to possibly find some information.
Widows and minor children will get survivors benefits from SSI. However, that will vary widely based on the amount of money paid into Social Security. Minor Children also may qualify for Medicaid for health insurance. Here is a link to more information:
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/6/1702
WRITE. YOUR. WISHES. DOWN. AND. MAKE. SURE. SOMEONE. KNOWS. WHERE. THEY. ARE. Even if you don't have a will or life insurance, there are TONS of websites that have free forms that you can fill out. What bank accounts do you have? What monthly bills? Do you have a 401k or retirement? What about access to credit cards and loan information? If you just do a Google search on "what does my family need to know if I die", that will pull up a ton of sites with free PDF options or here is something from Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Family-Should-Estate-Planning-Spiral/dp/B00ECBSRLW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1501695663&sr=8-2&keywords=for+my+family+if+i+die+book
Now let's get to the reason for this whole diatribe. GO. TO. THE. DAMN. DOCTOR. I have been in healthcare for 19+ years. I hear it ALL the damn time. "I don't get sick, I never go to the doctor". That's fine. Great. You know what? I'm not trying to take your damn money. But this week..... JUST. THIS. WEEK. The world lost a good man. "I never get sick. I never go to the doctor.". I met a lady 2 days ago. "I never get sick. I never go to the doctor." She found a lump. She has Stage 3 Breast Cancer and no primary care doctor. Oncologists can handle cancer. But they don't handle sinus infections, stomach cramps, all of the stuff that comes along with having cancer. I have a new patient who applied to my practice. "I never get sick. I never go to the doctor." Not until he had a quadruple bypass.
Get a primary care doctor. Even if you only go once a year, do it. Get baseline lab work done. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars to do it. MOST insurances cover an annual physical at 100%. If you don't have insurance? You can get a physical done at a Minute Clinic. That in no way compensates for having a good primary care doctor, but it's better than nothing. Most of us were VIGILANT about taking our kids in for their immunizations on time, never missing a childhood well child check. All that other stuff. Why then wouldn't you do that for yourself? If you don't have insurance or can't afford insurance, look into alternative solutions. Things like Medishare and Liberty Healthshare are faith-based plans that can be gotten in lieu of traditional insurance. There are also Direct Primary Care practices like mine out there all across the country. (We are NOT a substitute for health insurance). 47 states currently have some sort of Direct Primary Care doctor. At my practice for example? If you are over 40 and pay annually (to get a discount), you can get UNLIMITED primary care visits for $825. For an entire year. That includes lab work. A full physical. If you cut yourself and need stitches, it includes that. If you need a steroid shot, it includes that. If you need a cyst drained or a mole cut off, it includes that. Do your research. Find a good doctor that you trust and GO. SEE. THEM.
It literally breaks my heart to see people have to go through these things. Especially when they can be prevented. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, no. I can't plan on getting broadsided by a drunk driver when I leave the house. I can't plan on falling down a flight of stairs. There are lots of things I can't plan for. But there are things I CAN plan for. And leaving my family with the ability to take care of things after I'm gone is one thing I can do.
Nobody wants to talk about death. It's the elephant in the room that no one wants to discuss. Nobody wants to think about not being here anymore. That's normal. But it's not ok. If you have children? You need a will. Period. If you and your spouse die your children become wards of the state until guardianship is awarded to someone. Temporary guardianship will be put into place until a judge awards final guardianship. Nobody wants to think about that. My mother was a certified financial planner and estate planner before she retired. (I will refer to her hereafter as O.G. Mama Mack) In her words "If you have children and you don't have a will? You're an idiot." Sit down with your spouse. Find that family member and have that conversation. It's uncomfortable as fuck. But do it. You don't want to go out to dinner with your husband and wife and never come home and then what the hell do your kids do?
Life insurance. Get it. I don't care. Period. I live paycheck to paycheck. I have a crap ton of debt from my divorce. An ex husband that doesn't pay his child support on time. Student loans I took out for my daughter. I get it. Money is tight. But if I can find a $300,000 term life policy for $25 a month? That is enough money to pay off my home and all my bills, leave enough for my kids to have a small nest egg and not be burdened with my debt. If you don't have an insurance agent, you can go online and find a website to get you quotes. O.G. Mama Mack says, also check with your credit union. Many credit unions have free insurance that will pay off any outstanding loans you have with them in the event of your death. Make sure you have enough insurance if you possibly can to make sure your loved ones aren't saddled with that financial responsibility. Things to consider: How much will it be to pay off your mortgage? How about credit cards? Student loans? Vehicle? Burial Expenses? Do you want to leave enough money after your liabilities are taken care of to provide for your children's education? What about a wedding? There are websites that you can use to calculate what you have and what you'll need. Many people only carry the life insurance that employers provide for free, which is 2 or 3 times annual salary. If you're making $50k a year, that's only $150k. That's not a lot of money once everything is paid off. Remember, that once the life insurance pays out? That's it. So you need a plan for what happens after that. And the guardians of minor children need clear guidelines if money left to them is to be used for specific things. Money changes people. I've seen it. People lose their damn minds when it comes to fighting over money and death. I myself don't want to have to come back from the great beyond to kick someone's ass for acting like a fool. Some states also have an insurance policy locator. O.G. Mama Mack said you can Google that and find out if someone has a life insurance policy that you may not know about. IF the unthinkable happens and your spouse dies and you don't know if they have a policy outside of their employer, that is a way to possibly find some information.
Widows and minor children will get survivors benefits from SSI. However, that will vary widely based on the amount of money paid into Social Security. Minor Children also may qualify for Medicaid for health insurance. Here is a link to more information:
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/6/1702
WRITE. YOUR. WISHES. DOWN. AND. MAKE. SURE. SOMEONE. KNOWS. WHERE. THEY. ARE. Even if you don't have a will or life insurance, there are TONS of websites that have free forms that you can fill out. What bank accounts do you have? What monthly bills? Do you have a 401k or retirement? What about access to credit cards and loan information? If you just do a Google search on "what does my family need to know if I die", that will pull up a ton of sites with free PDF options or here is something from Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Family-Should-Estate-Planning-Spiral/dp/B00ECBSRLW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1501695663&sr=8-2&keywords=for+my+family+if+i+die+book
Now let's get to the reason for this whole diatribe. GO. TO. THE. DAMN. DOCTOR. I have been in healthcare for 19+ years. I hear it ALL the damn time. "I don't get sick, I never go to the doctor". That's fine. Great. You know what? I'm not trying to take your damn money. But this week..... JUST. THIS. WEEK. The world lost a good man. "I never get sick. I never go to the doctor.". I met a lady 2 days ago. "I never get sick. I never go to the doctor." She found a lump. She has Stage 3 Breast Cancer and no primary care doctor. Oncologists can handle cancer. But they don't handle sinus infections, stomach cramps, all of the stuff that comes along with having cancer. I have a new patient who applied to my practice. "I never get sick. I never go to the doctor." Not until he had a quadruple bypass.
Get a primary care doctor. Even if you only go once a year, do it. Get baseline lab work done. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars to do it. MOST insurances cover an annual physical at 100%. If you don't have insurance? You can get a physical done at a Minute Clinic. That in no way compensates for having a good primary care doctor, but it's better than nothing. Most of us were VIGILANT about taking our kids in for their immunizations on time, never missing a childhood well child check. All that other stuff. Why then wouldn't you do that for yourself? If you don't have insurance or can't afford insurance, look into alternative solutions. Things like Medishare and Liberty Healthshare are faith-based plans that can be gotten in lieu of traditional insurance. There are also Direct Primary Care practices like mine out there all across the country. (We are NOT a substitute for health insurance). 47 states currently have some sort of Direct Primary Care doctor. At my practice for example? If you are over 40 and pay annually (to get a discount), you can get UNLIMITED primary care visits for $825. For an entire year. That includes lab work. A full physical. If you cut yourself and need stitches, it includes that. If you need a steroid shot, it includes that. If you need a cyst drained or a mole cut off, it includes that. Do your research. Find a good doctor that you trust and GO. SEE. THEM.
It literally breaks my heart to see people have to go through these things. Especially when they can be prevented. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, no. I can't plan on getting broadsided by a drunk driver when I leave the house. I can't plan on falling down a flight of stairs. There are lots of things I can't plan for. But there are things I CAN plan for. And leaving my family with the ability to take care of things after I'm gone is one thing I can do.
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