Family FIRST, and life changing events...
I have written about my family more than anything else, because they are what makes me who I am. They are the reason I get up in the morning. The reason I breathe every day. The first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep. I am extremely lucky to have loving parents, incredible siblings, a (now) great husband and two of the most amazing kids on the planet.
Being a mother is one of the most defining parts of who I am. It's the biggest part of my heart. Even though my kids are technically adults, being their mom will never stop. I'll never stop worrying about them, even though they can take care of themselves. Over the last 6 years, being a part of a FIRST Robotics team made me a "mom" in other ways. 40-50 high school students every year have been a big part of my life, and I have been lucky to inspire them and to let them know that they always have a "safe space" with me.
When something happens to your child, it takes your breath away. You want to take their pain and make it yours. You want to protect them from anyone and anything in the world that could hurt them. You never want to consider that there is a battle you CAN'T fight for your child. But sometimes that happens. And you sit, and you feel helpless, and guilty, and sad, and devastated. Because there are some dragons out there you can't slay. No matter how hard you try.
On March 1st of this year, my 18 year old son told me that his eyes were a little blurry and bothering him. He graduated high school last year and went directly into a job as a software developer, so I assumed it was eye fatigue from looking at a computer for too long. By Monday, March 4th, his vision worsened and Tuesday, March 5th, it had progressed to double vision. I immediately took him to work with me and my boss, Dr. David Layne, knew that something was wrong. He made a phone call to Dr. Bob McCullen at Gaston Eye associates, and we got in that morning. After an exam, Dr. McCullen determined that it wasn't his eyes, it was his brain. He ordered an MRI which we had on Saturday, March 9th. Monday, March 11th, we got the results of the MRI. There were lesions on his brain that were worrisome for a "demyleniating disease". On the one hand, I was ecstatic that it wasn't a tumor or aneurysm, but absolutely terrified about what the results meant. Dr. McCullen's staff moved mountains and got us into a neurologist on Thursday, March 14th. After a complete neurological workup we got a diagnosis. My son was formally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. https://www.nationalmssociety.org/What-is-MS/What-Causes-MS
I sat there in shock with a knot the size of a boulder in my throat. I wanted to scream and cry, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that I had to be strong. I couldn't show him that I was terrified, because I didn't want HIM to be terrified. Everything was very calm and I asked him how he felt. He said "Mom, I didn't want to say anything but I kinda figured that would be it. Everything in my life has been going so good, and I knew it couldn't last forever". That broke my heart into 1000 pieces. We went home and behind closed doors, I cried until I couldn't cry any more. Why? Why him? What did we do wrong? What could I have done differently? All questions I asked myself. I found out later that he broke down too. He cried. He was brokenhearted about being diagnosed with something that has no cure. He didn't want people to pity him. Or look at him differently. He wants to be treated the same way he was 2 weeks ago. (I mean, this IS his origin story and the beginning of his mutant superpowers....)
Then we decided we are going to fight. We aren't taking this lying down. This past weekend, we went to a robotics event in Guilford County with our FRC Team, Team 4935. I wanted my son to have as much of a sense of "normalcy" as possible, so being out among our FIRST Family and friends was the perfect thing. We received such an outpouring of love from our QCRA Teammates Team 3506 Yeti and Team 4290 Bots on Wheels, from Marie and Julia and Tom... and everyone else. I cannot tell you how much this means to me to have not only his former teammates rooting for him, but for teams across the state who have competed against him and with him as alliance partners, all pulling for him. Without the opportunities that FIRST Robotics gave to us; allowing us to be a part of the Road2Hire apprenticeship which translated into a full time position, we would not have the health insurance and finances to fight this disease. Joining a team his freshman year made a difference in the trajectory of his life, and we can never ever forget or repay that.
If you are able to, on April 27th of this year, come join us on the MS Walk in Charlotte. If you can't, join us as a virtual walker. It costs absolutely nothing to attend, and all donations are going to fund MS research. http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/TeamTRex4Po . I know that a sea of red and black will be there to support us and our T-Rex will be stronger than ever.
If there is anything I can say that I want others to know since we began on this journey such a short time ago, it is listen to your body. Seek medical treatment if you know something is wrong. Take care of yourself. Get an annual physical. Find doctors that will listen to what you have to say and not brush you off. There are so many people out there with MS that haven't even been diagnosed yet, or were diagnosed after years of people telling them it was all in their head. In addition, be nice to one another. Don't take anything for granted. Tell the people around you that you love them. Because in the blink of an eye, everything can change.
Being a mother is one of the most defining parts of who I am. It's the biggest part of my heart. Even though my kids are technically adults, being their mom will never stop. I'll never stop worrying about them, even though they can take care of themselves. Over the last 6 years, being a part of a FIRST Robotics team made me a "mom" in other ways. 40-50 high school students every year have been a big part of my life, and I have been lucky to inspire them and to let them know that they always have a "safe space" with me.
When something happens to your child, it takes your breath away. You want to take their pain and make it yours. You want to protect them from anyone and anything in the world that could hurt them. You never want to consider that there is a battle you CAN'T fight for your child. But sometimes that happens. And you sit, and you feel helpless, and guilty, and sad, and devastated. Because there are some dragons out there you can't slay. No matter how hard you try.
On March 1st of this year, my 18 year old son told me that his eyes were a little blurry and bothering him. He graduated high school last year and went directly into a job as a software developer, so I assumed it was eye fatigue from looking at a computer for too long. By Monday, March 4th, his vision worsened and Tuesday, March 5th, it had progressed to double vision. I immediately took him to work with me and my boss, Dr. David Layne, knew that something was wrong. He made a phone call to Dr. Bob McCullen at Gaston Eye associates, and we got in that morning. After an exam, Dr. McCullen determined that it wasn't his eyes, it was his brain. He ordered an MRI which we had on Saturday, March 9th. Monday, March 11th, we got the results of the MRI. There were lesions on his brain that were worrisome for a "demyleniating disease". On the one hand, I was ecstatic that it wasn't a tumor or aneurysm, but absolutely terrified about what the results meant. Dr. McCullen's staff moved mountains and got us into a neurologist on Thursday, March 14th. After a complete neurological workup we got a diagnosis. My son was formally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. https://www.nationalmssociety.org/What-is-MS/What-Causes-MS
I sat there in shock with a knot the size of a boulder in my throat. I wanted to scream and cry, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that I had to be strong. I couldn't show him that I was terrified, because I didn't want HIM to be terrified. Everything was very calm and I asked him how he felt. He said "Mom, I didn't want to say anything but I kinda figured that would be it. Everything in my life has been going so good, and I knew it couldn't last forever". That broke my heart into 1000 pieces. We went home and behind closed doors, I cried until I couldn't cry any more. Why? Why him? What did we do wrong? What could I have done differently? All questions I asked myself. I found out later that he broke down too. He cried. He was brokenhearted about being diagnosed with something that has no cure. He didn't want people to pity him. Or look at him differently. He wants to be treated the same way he was 2 weeks ago. (I mean, this IS his origin story and the beginning of his mutant superpowers....)
 |
| In the Pits before competition, looking like Nick Fury |
Then we decided we are going to fight. We aren't taking this lying down. This past weekend, we went to a robotics event in Guilford County with our FRC Team, Team 4935. I wanted my son to have as much of a sense of "normalcy" as possible, so being out among our FIRST Family and friends was the perfect thing. We received such an outpouring of love from our QCRA Teammates Team 3506 Yeti and Team 4290 Bots on Wheels, from Marie and Julia and Tom... and everyone else. I cannot tell you how much this means to me to have not only his former teammates rooting for him, but for teams across the state who have competed against him and with him as alliance partners, all pulling for him. Without the opportunities that FIRST Robotics gave to us; allowing us to be a part of the Road2Hire apprenticeship which translated into a full time position, we would not have the health insurance and finances to fight this disease. Joining a team his freshman year made a difference in the trajectory of his life, and we can never ever forget or repay that.
 |
| Some of my amazing students from Team 4935 |
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| Talking to one of his teammates, who was instrumental in our robot winning the Creativity Award |
If you are able to, on April 27th of this year, come join us on the MS Walk in Charlotte. If you can't, join us as a virtual walker. It costs absolutely nothing to attend, and all donations are going to fund MS research. http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/TeamTRex4Po . I know that a sea of red and black will be there to support us and our T-Rex will be stronger than ever.
If there is anything I can say that I want others to know since we began on this journey such a short time ago, it is listen to your body. Seek medical treatment if you know something is wrong. Take care of yourself. Get an annual physical. Find doctors that will listen to what you have to say and not brush you off. There are so many people out there with MS that haven't even been diagnosed yet, or were diagnosed after years of people telling them it was all in their head. In addition, be nice to one another. Don't take anything for granted. Tell the people around you that you love them. Because in the blink of an eye, everything can change.
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