Parents aren't supposed to get old..are they?

I went on a family vacation/trip this past weekend to see relatives on my mother's side.  We had a big family reunion in the Chicago area, complete with matching t-shirts, plenty of food, music, and out of town attendees.  As I stood amongst my relatives, I was struck by one thing.  I don't "feel" old.  I know I'm getting older, and so are they, but I don't "feel" old.  Should I?  I'll be 41 this year and I don't feel like I'm aging at all.  I looked at some of my relatives that are past the prime of their lives, and realized that the next time I may see some of them will be at a sad occasion, rather than a happy one.  I looked at my parents, who retired this year at the ages of 61 and 62, and thought, "they'll never be old".  But, they will.  And it breaks my heart.  We only have a limited number of years on this earth, and I can't imagine the world without them in it. 

I also had the opportunity to see the mother of a very dear friend while I was in town.  We met back in middle school and even though time and distance separates us, I still remember sleepovers in her parent's house, her father who has passed away, and her mother, who always had the most amazing quilts.  She had fabric for miles, and jars and jars of buttons.  My friend's mother has ALS now, and is in a wheelchair.  I saw her for the first time in years, and I was struck by how different, yet how the same she was.  She still had the same voice, the same smile, the same eyes; yet the rest of her wasn't the same.  I spent time with my friend and her mother telling them stories of my crazy children, my moronic ex husband, and of the new guy in my life.  As I left, I was overwhelmed by a wave of sadness knowing that this visit was probably the last time I would see her as well. 

I'm not afraid of death, but I want to be around as long as I can.  I wish that I could keep all of the people I love in a kind of suspended animation, and not think of the day when they won't be around anymore.  I know it happens, it happens to all of us.  That doesn't make it any easier to think about or to deal with.  So, for now, I try to take as many pictures as I can, experience what I can, and love as much as I can while those that are in my heart are still here for me to put my arms around. 




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