Why?
Today was just "one of those days". You know the days where nothing makes sense? The days where you ask the universal question of "why?".
Today was the funeral of the father of a friend of mine. He was diagnosed with cancer of the brain just a few short months ago. Why does it happen so fast sometimes? Why did someone so young have to go? Why is this wonderful man not here anymore to see his grandbaby girls grow up? To hold them? To tell his wife that he loves her? To tell his daughter that he loves her? Why does it strike some, and miss others? I don't understand it. I really don't.
Also, today was the "closure" of an ache that has been in my heart for a long time. 3 years ago, a friend of mine and her baby girl were on their way to church one Saturday night. Unbeknownst to them, 2 cars decided to drag race at speeds of over 80 miles an hour, and her car was hit. She and her daughter were killed, as we sat, literally less than a mile away, unknowing that one of our church family was taken from us. The young boy who actually hit the car was sentenced to involuntary manslaughter, but the woman, the grown ADULT woman who raced him got a different sentence. The woman who got out of her car and saw the carnage, then got back in her car and left the scene. The woman who already had over 15 traffic violations at the time this happened. That woman plead "guilty without admitting guilt" and was sentenced to 2 years and 8 months in prison. 3 people are dead. A mother, a son, a grandchild. She gets to basically walk away. My heart hurts. I know we have laws for a reason, and that they are here to protect all of us. But sometimes they just suck. They do. And now I don't feel any sense of "closure". All I can think of is that I won't ever get to give Goldfish crackers and hear the squeakers in the shoes of a 2 year old little girl that was a ray of sunshine anymore.
Why? I know, if I let myself ask those questions, I might eventually drive myself mad. But I am mad. I'm angry. I'm angry that people who hurt other people intentionally seem to walk away scot-free from things. I'm angry that those who do the most good, seem sometimes to have the most bad happen.
But then I have to take a deep, VERY deep breath and think; that I'm not the one in charge. Someone else is. These things that make me angry; they're not in my control. I'm not the architect of the grand plan. Someone else is in the driver's seat. I have to just put that anger in the basket and give it away, and trust that the man in charge knows what He's doing, and that I am not the judge or jury. My job is to do the very best that I can with what I have. My job is to know that while it's ok to be angry, to be hurt; it's also my job to have Faith.
Today was the funeral of the father of a friend of mine. He was diagnosed with cancer of the brain just a few short months ago. Why does it happen so fast sometimes? Why did someone so young have to go? Why is this wonderful man not here anymore to see his grandbaby girls grow up? To hold them? To tell his wife that he loves her? To tell his daughter that he loves her? Why does it strike some, and miss others? I don't understand it. I really don't.
Also, today was the "closure" of an ache that has been in my heart for a long time. 3 years ago, a friend of mine and her baby girl were on their way to church one Saturday night. Unbeknownst to them, 2 cars decided to drag race at speeds of over 80 miles an hour, and her car was hit. She and her daughter were killed, as we sat, literally less than a mile away, unknowing that one of our church family was taken from us. The young boy who actually hit the car was sentenced to involuntary manslaughter, but the woman, the grown ADULT woman who raced him got a different sentence. The woman who got out of her car and saw the carnage, then got back in her car and left the scene. The woman who already had over 15 traffic violations at the time this happened. That woman plead "guilty without admitting guilt" and was sentenced to 2 years and 8 months in prison. 3 people are dead. A mother, a son, a grandchild. She gets to basically walk away. My heart hurts. I know we have laws for a reason, and that they are here to protect all of us. But sometimes they just suck. They do. And now I don't feel any sense of "closure". All I can think of is that I won't ever get to give Goldfish crackers and hear the squeakers in the shoes of a 2 year old little girl that was a ray of sunshine anymore.
Why? I know, if I let myself ask those questions, I might eventually drive myself mad. But I am mad. I'm angry. I'm angry that people who hurt other people intentionally seem to walk away scot-free from things. I'm angry that those who do the most good, seem sometimes to have the most bad happen.
But then I have to take a deep, VERY deep breath and think; that I'm not the one in charge. Someone else is. These things that make me angry; they're not in my control. I'm not the architect of the grand plan. Someone else is in the driver's seat. I have to just put that anger in the basket and give it away, and trust that the man in charge knows what He's doing, and that I am not the judge or jury. My job is to do the very best that I can with what I have. My job is to know that while it's ok to be angry, to be hurt; it's also my job to have Faith.
Faith......where would we be without faith.....
ReplyDelete