Blessed Silence........and the musing on current events.

Most parents don't remember what life was like before we became so.  The hectic schedules, the noise, the chaos, and the wondering of when you'd get a moment's peace have permeated our every being.  None of us, however, would change it for the world.  Becoming a parent is TRULY the most selfish thing you can ever do. No child asks to be born, we decide that for them.  We decide how many to have, what environment to bring them into, what to name them, and we shape their futures.  As I sit here, in blessed silence, after a long week with my children that was filled with jokes, bickering, and the always present "Shut up Jordyn, no-one likes you" from my son; I think of what that silence would mean if they weren't around anymore.  With the recent events of the Casey Anthony trial, I know, that as a single mother, I value my "alone" time.  I value my "adult" time.  I love my time with friends where I don't have to censor my language, where I can imbibe a little more than usual, and where I can watch television that isn't animated or have a Disney Channel phenom in them.  Having said that, the prospect of changing my life so that the absence of my children would result in nothing but "fun", fills my heart with a dread so severe that it feels like the weight of a thousand worlds is sitting on my chest.  My eyes fill with tears at the mere idea that I could have all of the "alone" time I wanted.  I don't want that.  I want the noise, the chaos, the sibling rivalry...but I also want the hugs, the kisses, the random "I love you mom's" that come from nowhere, the picking up of dirty socks, the reminders to turn off the light when you come downstairs; and to flush the toilet when you're done.  Motherhood is a privilege.  Not everyone can become one.  This just shows me that not everyone should be one either.